I was speaking to another therapist/coach who had publicly shared her challenging life experience and she said that she thought to share her story enabled people to feel that they could tell her anything and she wouldn’t be embarrassed or judgemental. Knowing that someone has been through something similar to us can help us have confidence that they will be able to support and help us because they have an understanding of that experience.
Then last week I was at a social event and someone said something to me which was quite innocuous and innocent but unknown to them it sent me into a tailspin. I reacted, internally by being fearful and recalling the feelings of a very difficult time in my life when I felt controlled, criticised and worthless.
It took me a couple of days of identifying my emotions to come to a better place and to get to the other side of it. To a place where I understood my process and could get my feelings into context and to move through them. To find the place of equilibrium again. It shook my confidence that I had been so affected. I told myself ‘I have done the work on this and I thought I had packed it away and filed under ‘dealt with”.
When I was a complementary health therapist and had a cold, hay fever or a cold sore, I lost count of the number of times people said to me ‘Physician Heal Thyself’. The inference being that I should have it sorted. That as a complementary therapist I should never be unwell.
It got me thinking, would you go to a dentist with bad teeth? Would you have a massage from someone with bad posture or have your nails done by someone with dirt in their fingernails? I’m guessing the answer would be no because they would have the knowledge to change but not use it for themselves.
Having had the experience of losing my confidence and feeling worthless and building myself back up gives me a badge to wear to do the work I do. The important thing is that when I am reminded of past trauma, I can manage myself well in that state and use the tools that I have learned to find my self-confidence again. I pass those tools to my clients to enable them to have the confidence to manage themselves. It’s important for me to walk the talk but also to be human, to be fallible. I too am unfinished.
Building our confidence is about talking, witnessing ourselves, finding a new place to be but it is also about filling our tool bag with strategies and tools which we can apply in our lives outside the therapy room. When we use them, we can thrust out of the tailspin and fly high with confidence.
Call me to discuss your tailspin 01424 773 988.
